Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
