I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
