One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
