Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
