Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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