I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
