we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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