New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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