It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
