I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
