Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
