Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize