you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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