Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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