That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
bring money and cleavage
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
