And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
