Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
