My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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