I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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