Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
