I must be too annoying 4 u.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
