i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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