Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
