the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
