I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
