My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
