hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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