she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
