why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
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It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
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Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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