...so i touched it.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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