How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Randomize
