A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
