Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
