just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
