well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
