there's paper in my vomit.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I need a beard to bite.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
