Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
