I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
