I like my sex mixed with concussions.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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