I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
