I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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