The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
did i walk over a car last night?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
