I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
