I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
