you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
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just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
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You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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