Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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