hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
