i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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