chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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