Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
