i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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