Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
