I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
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No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
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The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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