i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
