My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
