He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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