Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize