Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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