I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
