New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
