In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
