Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
