I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just threw up on my dentist
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
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She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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