Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
