Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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