So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Green mimosas i think yes
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
