I am spending my child support on dildos
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
