Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.