come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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