Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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