twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
