I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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