I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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