i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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