dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I use my feet as sexual weapons
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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