it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
