so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
