Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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