I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
