i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
