it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
