Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
