I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
