Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
