Me. At least after what I've been through.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
