Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
